I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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