I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
