I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
