The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
