So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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