____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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