OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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