Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
