I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
