hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
