hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
