Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
