I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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