There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
