My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize