why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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