this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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