do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
