Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
