youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
