Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize