Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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