Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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