Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
