I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize