kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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