There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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