you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
how drunk are you?
Several
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
