Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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