THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
