Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you bring me the toilet please
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
