Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize