I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
