At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
