im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
