Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
