yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
