In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
