i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
