wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
