I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
