im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
