the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
