My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
