Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
