It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize