I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
