I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
