hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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