My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
