So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
