I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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