i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
