i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
