laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
