So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
