your parents love me but you hate me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
