I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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