You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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