I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
