You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
