Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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