I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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