If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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