I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
