In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize