You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
