you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize