just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
