I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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