Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
