No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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