I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
