I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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