I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
