why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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