I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
