I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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