Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
