before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
