the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
