Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
