I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Couch. On fire.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
