i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
