Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
