does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
