First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
