That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
