96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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