u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my phone needs a breathalizer
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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