I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
