Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
