Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
