i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
