dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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