whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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