Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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