when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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