You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
