you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
