i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
